


Unnecessary

by erinwert



Category: Nothing Much to Do
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Future Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-15
Updated: 2014-10-15
Packaged: 2018-02-21 06:58:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2459033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/erinwert/pseuds/erinwert
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I don't need you."</p><p>"Um... thanks?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unnecessary

It had been all passion, fire, intense heat. Or intense cold. It was always extremes with them. Complete denial, even when his arms were completely enveloping her and his bottom lip was between her teeth. Refusing to agree on anything for fear of what it might mean. Running from anything that might mean they would have to actually be honest and open and… god forbid even slightly vulnerable for once.

It was exciting while they were in it. They never knew what to expect, they always kept each other on their toes. The unpredictability made them feel alive.

But you can’t live like that forever.

Fire burns out. Fire dies.

And their’s did too.

It really didn’t phase her. Promise.

Mostly.

High school relationships are meant to fail. That’s practically a prerequisite. If you stay with your high school sweetheart, with your first love (barf), it’s almost like you aren’t human. God she couldn’t imagine being the type of person who was still _in love_ with that guy she liked when she was 17.

So she wasn’t. She was glad for it. Promise.

\---

Okay, but that doesn’t mean that she can’t still sometimes think about him with a sort of nostalgic fondness. That’s not the same thing as being in love, right? That’s not the same thing as pathetically pining for some long lost first love of your live, right? It’s just. Remembering the days past. Sentimental fondness for a life and time that likely only seem remotely wonderful because of the huge blinders memories give you. And that’s okay. We remember the good, we forget the bad. It wasn’t weird to still think about him sometimes and wonder.

Wonder what if. And where is he now. And does he ever still think about her? And does he even remember the fight that broke them up? Does she? Why did it seem important back then? Why did everything seem so much complicated back then? Why had they both been so intent on finding any reason to prove this wasn’t going to work? Why were they both so keen to sabotage their own lives? Why did they both let the other do it to themselves so easily? Why were they both so afraid to just. Admit they were scared. Admit that they didn’t know what they wanted. Admit they didn’t know how to picture life without the other. Admit they didn’t want to.

She hadn’t wanted to. Break up. Yet somehow it was her idea? She thinks? Something about how she didn’t need him to help her and she didn’t even need him to be here, and okay if that’s so, why is he even still there, why did she ask him round, and yeah, good question, why did she, maybe he should just leave. He should leave.

So he left.

And at the time, she thinks she thought it was just another thing, that it would blow over, but she didn’t have anything to apologize for, he was being obstinate and undermining her authority and capabilities and general ability to be a self-sufficient human being and he should have known better.

So she didn’t call him. And he didn’t call her.

And he still didn’t call her.

And she thought maybe it was better that way.

\---

And she was fine. She was great. She really really was. She was doing work she loved and she got to travel and she was respected in her field and she felt accomplished and self-reliant and she had amazing friends and family and even a head start on those fifteen cats, which, after all, is what she wanted. Unironically.

She didn’t _need_ him. She clearly didn’t, she’d gotten on 7 years without him just fine. She didn’t need anything more than she had. She had all the basic requirements to be happy and fulfilled and satisfied. So she was.

But she wasn’t.

Which was really completely inconsiderate and rude of herself, she was going to need to have some harsh words about this all. It just wasn’t right to keep subjecting herself to emotions she knew weren’t worth getting hung up on.

She had no reason to feel empty, or lonely, or like she was still waiting for something. She didn’t _need_ anything else. Truly.

\---

_“Just because you don’t need something doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to want it or have it, Bea. Life is about more than what we need. I don’t need you to keep on living, but I know my life wouldn’t be as lively without you in it. I like being around you, it makes me happy. You make me happy. I’m not afraid to say I want you in my life even though I don’t need you in my life. Maybe you should stop being afraid to ask for things you don’t need.”_

Hero really had no business trying to psychoanalyze her. It wasn’t fair. Using all her multiple degree mojo on poor unsuspecting family members. She ought to at least charge a fee or set up a “starting therapy session now” cue.

And what was that even supposed to mean, she was afraid to ask for things she didn’t need. She clearly had no problem getting that phone upgrade she didn’t really need, or the higher internet speed last year. Or the extra scoop of ice cream with dessert last week. She was all about things she wanted and didn’t need.

She wasn’t afraid to want things.

She wasn’t afraid to want him.

Okay, maybe she was a little afraid for people to see how badly she wanted him. Or to even admit to herself how badly she wanted him. Because needing something, well… it’s okay to ask for it, to get it, because it’s necessary. But wanting something, wanting someone. Suddenly you’ve put a lot of factors for your own happiness and well-being in someone else’s control- and for what? It’s not like you even needed it, needed them.

It doesn’t seem worth the risk, if she doesn’t actually need it. And she most certainly does NOT need him. Or anyone. Well, except Hero, maybe. Probably.

And why was she even having this conversation with herself, again, at 3 in the morning, when, even if she did decide she wanted him even if she didn’t need him, there was no reason to expect he still wanted her.

Okay, so she didn’t need him. But she did want him. She does want him. Still.

She wants him.

And as suddenly as she finally actually said it, at least figuratively in her head to herself, she can’t seem to think about anything else.

Because of course she doesn’t need him, but she wants him, to be with him, to share life with him, to challenge him and have him challenge her and to make each others lives more than just adequate, more than just meeting the basic requirements. She wants more than what she needs. Maybe Hero was right, maybe it was okay to ask for something she wanted. Maybe it was okay to ask for him.

\---

And that’s how Beatrice Duke found herself at Benedick Hobbes’ front door at 5am on a Thursday morning after not having spoken to him in practically seven years.

God, wait, she hasn’t spoken to him in seven years, what the hell is she doing? Why would she think he might actually still even want or care about her? Just because she’s apparently actually pathetic enough to never have actually gotten over him (Oh god, she’s pathetic enough to have never gotten over him) doesn’t mean he is also as pathetic. And he’s going to think she thinks he's pathetic by just showing up here. She doesn’t want him to think she thinks he’s pathetic. He’s not pathetic. Clearly she is, but he’s not. Though apparently she does kind of hope he is?

But surely Hero wouldn’t have even goaded her like that if there wasn’t a chance, however small. And Pedro wouldn’t have forwarded her his contact information if he knew he didn’t want to see her. Though perhaps Pedro didn’t know what he was doing since she did wake him up at four in the morning for the information. But still. Still!

Still.

Just be still. _Bea_ still. (Oh god, Beatrice, you have got to stop making jokes with yourself in your head when you’re in the middle of BIG IMPORTANT LIFE THINGS, what is wrong with you). Just stop thinking and knock. Act. Do.

\---

“I don’t need you.”

“Um... thanks?”

“I don’t _need_ you.”

“I sort of figured that out a while ago.”

“I don’t need you, but I want you. I think I want you more than I ever understood, and more than I ever wanted to admit, because the thought of wanting something as badly as I wanted you was completely terrifying, and maybe I didn’t think I deserved it or maybe I was just afraid to take the risk, or something, but I should have said that back then. That I wanted you. Even though I didn’t need you. Even though you don’t need me, and oh God, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have come because obviously you have no reason to still want me and I’ve been foolish and pathetic and idiotic and still hung up on you, apparently, even though I thought I wasn’t, but I am and you know what, I’m just gonna go because clearly I am out of line and probably low on sleep and this was obviously a very bad idea I am so--

“Beatrice?”

“Yeah?”

“Shut up.”

And then he was kissing her and she was kissing him and it was all entirely unnecessary.

**Author's Note:**

> Apparently I decided after 7 years of not writing fic I was going to write NMTD fic, even after managed to go through all my time in the LBD fandom reading tons of fic without writing any. But for whatever reason I started this, and actually was able to finish (except for the very last phrase, thanks Lucy! This would have been stuck at "and she was kissing him and" forever and never posted without you coming in and stating the obvious ) so yeah... there you have it. 
> 
> Who knows, maybe I'll have other random inspiration to write and/or finish fics for this fandom or LBD or maybe even Classic Alice. Or maybe not. WHO KNOWS. no promises.


End file.
